Acknowledgments Research Behind I Wish You Would Just ... With deep gratitude to Rowena Crosbie for being such a shining example of what good managers can and should be like. Thanks also to the hundreds of employees and managers across the nation who responded to our survey about the things they really wish for. And, a huge thanks to my co-author, Todd, for keeping this project rolling. ~Kyndra In 1997, we started researching what managers could do to help their employees be more productive. Through face-to-face meetings, paper-pencil surveys, and e- mail responses, we talked with close to 2,000 employees. We asked each to finish the statement: “I wish my manager would just ....” As we began to share our findings with managers, we heard their plea for equal time. Thus the concept of this “flip book.” By the time we went to print, we had also talked with hundreds of managers – having them finish the statement, “I wish my employees would just ....” This book presents the top responses of both employees and their managers.   While not in any priority order, they do constitute the most common concerns ... the most common “wishes.” Kyndra Wilson 4

I don’t mean just casual chit chat ... I mean really talk. Sure, we do have occasional conversations. But far too often, I feel that   we’re just barely scratching the surface of things. More times than not, we don’t communicate the way we both know we can and should. I hope you know how important you are to what we do ... how important you are to ME. My success as a manager depends significantly on how well you do your job – and on how well we work together. Most of the time, I feel like we maintain a very good relationship. But there are times when I feel we can do a lot better. I want and need to change that. It may sound self-serving, but there are several things that you could do to help me be more successful – things that could help us bridge the gap be- tween average performance and something really special. And sharing those things with you is what this half – my half – of is all about. The following pages contain some of my thoughts and ideas on what you can do to increase my level of success – and enhance your own in the process. I’ve communicated them as openly and honestly as I can. Please take them seriously; try to accept them with the same degree of sincerity that I’ve put into writing them. My hope is that we can use them to build an even stronger and more productive working relationship – one where we both come out as winners. So, to help me be more successful ...   an we talk? I Wish You Would Just ... C 5

I wish you (my employee)            would just ... My ultimate wish                                                       listen to me be open and honest be willing to try new things trust me ask questions when you don’t understand bring any problems you have with me TO me make sure you think things through take more responsibility be there when I need you say “thank you” – page 7 – page 9 – page 11 – page 13 – page 15 – page 17 – page 19 – page 21 – page 23 – page 25 – page 27 6

I wish you would just ...                istening. You’d think it would be so simple. I mean it’s something we have to do all the time. So why is it that I occasionally feel like I’m talk- ing with you, but my words aren’t connecting? I’m sure it’s not intentional. Maybe you’re preoccupied by work I’ve given you to finish, or perhaps you’re thinking about something at home. I under- stand – I’ve been in your shoes, and to a degree, I still am. For the most part, I think we do a decent job of communicating. However, every-once-in-a-while, I wonder if you’re really hearing me. I find that as   I’m talking about something, it seems like you are looking through me rather than at me. I get the feeling that the sound of my voice may be making it to your ears, but your mind is not pausing to stop and interpret the sounds. On a personal level (one I probably wouldn’t admit to most of the time),        I wonder if there’s more going on between us – if, perhaps, you think my opinion isn’t worth listening to ... that what I have to say has little value.   That bothers me. It bothers me a lot. I want and need you to listen and understand me – not just because I’m your manager and you have to, but because you respect me and you understand the importance of our com- munication. 7

Feelings aside, the more significant concern related to listening is our ability to get things done. If I question whether you’ve listened to and understood what I’ve said, I can’t be sure that the job will get done right. That means I have to stay involved (probably a lot more than you want) to make sure that the message was received and carried out. It means I have   to worry that certain pieces of critical information may have gotten lost or misunderstood. And that can lead to micro-management on my part – something neither of us really benefit from.   So what can you do? Well, when I communicate something, I wish you would make a special effort to really understand what I’m saying. Fact is, communication is a two-way process ... a joint responsibility. If you expect me to talk with you rather than at you, then you need to be an active player in the process. The word “with” does imply that TWO people are involved. Don’t just listen to the first half of my messages and then assume you know    where I’m headed and what I need. Listen through to the end. Occasionally rephrase what I’ve said so I know that you’ve heard me. And by all means, ask questions when you need clarification. When you listen to me like that, the chances for miscommunication are minimized. I’m reassured that you’re ready to go forward with the task or project we’ve talked about. And, I feel respected as both a manager and a person – someone who’s much more likely to return the favor. Don’t you wish the same from me? 8