MONDAY MORNING LEADERSHIP Valerie Sokolosky CornerStone Leadership Institute

ow could my career and personal life go from dizzying heights to downward spiral in a matter of months? That is a question that I had to be painfully honest with myself to answer a couple of years ago. And you’re about to find out how my career and personal life swerved off course and what I did to get back on track.   My name is Taylor Grant, and one of the greatest discoveries of my life was finding a mentor who could guide me through the stormy seas just when things seemed to be swirling out of control. Not too long ago, I felt on top of the world. I was a newly promoted manager — confident I would skyrocket to the top of our organization. After all, before my promotion, my own performance had been stellar. I hate to brag, but I was recognized as a rising star. When a management job became available, I H 7 Prologue

8 Monday Morning Leadership for Women was ready. Everyone seemed to think that I was the obvious choice to lead others because of my personal success. At first, my team could do no wrong. Management seemed a natural transition for me…or maybe it was just beginner’s luck. Regardless of the reason, we were accomplishing our goals. The team seemed to respond to me, and everyone was enjoying working with each other. Great things were happening in my career. My marriage to Michael was bliss. We finally had time for each other and our two little guys, Mason and Josh. In the evenings, we played games or rode bikes in the neighborhood. We enjoyed going to the lake on the weekends and just being together. Picnics, baseball, swimming — it didn’t matter what we did. It was all fun, and life was good! But then things began changing that affected everything in my life. Business slowed to a crawl, and productivity started to drag bottom. Competition got tougher, and pressure to perform was stronger than ever. All of a sudden, my team was not responding to me. It seemed as though the honeymoon was over and reality had hit. I was struggling to keep the team focused and productive in an economy that was whipping like a flag in a hurricane. Upper management seemed to change directions as often as the gale, creating choppy economic seas around us.   Our changing work schedules began to include Saturdays at least twice a month. Our once-a-month meetings exploded into

once-a-week meetings. Conflicting priorities were frustrating to my team and me. As a manager, I felt responsible and a little guilty for the turmoil experienced by the team members. After all, they all have families, too. There were rumors of pay cuts and even layoffs. You can imagine what that did to the team’s motivation. I was worried that they would all look for other jobs, and I would be left with no one on the team.   I was starting to feel like part of the problem as I struggled to figure out ways I could be part of the solution. Naturally, the problems at work spilled over to my time at home. My job, my schedule and my stress level played havoc with my family life. Even the boys seemed out of sorts and could tell that all was not well with their mom. Michael, my patient husband, had always been there to encourage me, so I hated bringing my woes home. I knew he had his own business issues, since his industry has been riding the economic roller coaster as well. Stress was mounting for both of us.   Michael and I had decided long ago that our children would be raised with both of us sharing the responsibilities. We both enjoyed family activities like attending the boys’ soccer games, and we would do everything we could to avoid missing a match, 9 Prologue

even as our business lives become more demanding. Frankly, I was beginning to feel guilty. I worried that I may not be the “mom” I intended to be. I worried I was not carrying my load. One more thing I thought I was learning: Being able to successfully balance your life is a myth. It was definitely not MY reality. As a woman, I felt overwhelmed, trying to do a good job at work and still maintain the family life I wanted and had dreamed about my whole life. I needed someone to talk to — someone unbiased who understood what it is like to wear so many hats all at one time. Michael is a great listener, and I value his opinion. But he just can’t understand what it’s like to be in my shoes now — to feel responsible for so many people, so many futures, and so many details. Sure, he sympathizes, and that’s great, but I needed someone who had been there and done that. I needed someone who would shoot straight with me about whether I really have what it takes to move ahead in my job. One more thing: Staying home has never been an option for me because of my competitive nature. I was frustrated, to say the least. Thank goodness for my daily exercise routine and a yoga class during the lunch hour to relieve tension. Not only did I dump stress in that class, but there I also found my soon-to-be mentor and friend. Suzanne Chambers is well known in our area as a highly successful business executive with a large architectural firm. She is 10 Monday Morning Leadership for Women

also a fundraiser extraordinaire and someone who is active on the social scene, although it is usually in conjunction with one of her charities. Her genuine smile is seen regularly in the newspaper and at events all over the city. Success has not come easily for Suzanne. A single mom who raised a son on her own to become a thriving adult, she began her career as a secretary to the owner of the firm. Early on, her boss saw her potential and pushed her career to what is now a full-partner position. In her high-profile role, Suzanne recently guided the firm through a complex –but successful merger. The newspapers featured her in numerous articles. Just last month I read that she had been honored for her volunteer work at Goodwill Industries and St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital. Suzanne is definitely a woman to be admired. On my first day at Wednesday yoga class, Suzanne welcomed me with her engaging smile and a friendly toss of her head. As soon as I heard her name, I remembered reading about her. Here I was, talking with her as if we had known each other for years, not minutes. She was as lovely in person as she was in the press. She was everything you would think of as a role model for successful women — polished and professional.   Suzanne seemed to carry herself confidently but without arrogance. She was strong without trying to be a male stereotype. She was also known to be a formidable competitor in the boardroom and yet cared deeply about her people. 11 Prologue

As the class progressed, I was impressed by Suzanne’s ability to connect with people. She simply had a gift for communicating easily with everyone. Although she could have intimidated every other person in the class, she made us feel at ease. As the weeks went by, I talked more often with Suzanne. I shed some of my stress in class, but I continued struggling with questions about my leadership capabilities. At work, we just weren’t getting the results we needed, and every member of the team was just as concerned and pressured as I was. The questions and doubts were haunting. What if I was good alone but was just not management material? Was I meant to lead a team? What if the economy stayed in a slump for more than a few months or quarters? One day at yoga, after I had spent a restless night worrying, Suzanne noticed the bags under my eyes and asked, “Taylor, did you pull an all-nighter? You look worn out.”   By this time we had known each other at yoga long enough to chat about something more than the weather or children. Almost relieved, I began pouring out my concerns. “Suzanne, I don’t know how to begin,” I stammered. “I’m confused and worried. Maybe this job is too big for me. I just can’t seem to get my act together like I used to. And all I do is work.   “The boys are saying, ‘Mom, why don’t you have time to play with us anymore?’ Honestly, by the time I get home, all I want 12 Monday Morning Leadership for Women

to do is crash. This management thing is just not what it’s cracked up to be. This isn’t working out like I thought it would.” She listened as I gushed. “I’m sorry to hear all this, Taylor. What can I do to help? After all, I’ve been in your shoes, and it’s not easy to be ‘superwoman.’ I sense that’s what you’re trying to be.”   How did she know? That’s exactly how I felt. But I was uncomfortable talking to someone as successful as she was. “Suzanne, I really appreciate your asking. Look, I know you have an extremely busy schedule, so I wouldn’t want to take up too much of your time with my problems,” I said. She was quick to reply, “I wouldn’t have offered if I hadn’t meant it! Actually, I enjoy sharing any lessons in business or in life because I’ve had to learn most of them the hard way. And if I can help you bypass some of the pitfalls that caused me to stumble along the way, that’s my reward. I get excited watching others succeed.” “Wow. I’d be grateful for any help you could give me. Where would we start?” “Well, let’s set some ground rules,” Suzanne said. Uh, oh…here it comes, I thought. This was too good to be true. “It’s going to take a significant time commitment on both our parts,” she outlined aloud, “and the best time for me to meet with you would be Monday mornings. In fact, that’s the only 13 Prologue

free time I have right now. How would Mondays work for you?” “Great. Monday morning meetings would be a great way to begin each week,” I responded. Suzanne’s additional suggested parameters included the following: 1. We would meet for an hour before work.   2. Starbucks was an appropriate place to meet, since it was about halfway between our homes. 3. Eight weeks seemed to be a realistic time frame for what Suzanne wanted to accomplish. 4. We agreed not to discuss Monday-morning meeting material or results during yoga, a time we needed to unwind and decompress. 5. I would take action each week and try to improve situations we identified that were giving me particular heartburn. 6. Suzanne agreed to mentor me only if I promised to take what I learned and share it with others. After our meetings concluded, I would teach others my leadership lessons and help them become leaders in their own right. That was too easy. I couldn’t believe this role model for women in our community was offering to take me on, to help me solve some of the problems I encountered, and to be my mentor. 14 Monday Morning Leadership for Women

Nothing could have been more exciting at the moment. I was eager to get started. “Let’s do it, Suzanne. I’m ready and willing if you are.” I beamed with anticipation. Suzanne seemed equally enthusiastic about this new project. “Well, more than a few years ago, someone stepped up to the plate to help me through a difficult period. They held my hand and made me not only a better businessperson but also a better person. In return for this huge gift, they asked only that I pass on what I had learned. So now it’s my turn to be the mentor and your turn to pass on the lessons,” she explained. Those eight sessions led to a turnaround in my career and my family life. As you read my story, perhaps you also can glean a few tips that will help you in your journey. This is my commitment to Suzanne: to share Lessons Learned and thus to pass them on. 15 Prologue